Wednesday, July 15, 2009

They Ain't Gonna Know How Ta' Spell MarC Down Thar!!!!!

By John Philbeck

After eighteen years with Northwest Baseball Umpires Association the Taciturn Arbiter, Marc Forsythe,   has broken his silence. With deep sadness he has decided to wish us all a fond farewell.

It turns out that Marc is finally revealing that he is in fact a closet SuperSonics fanatic. After enduring a single season of their absence Marc has decided he must follow the team of his heart and is therefore moving to Edmond, Oklahoma on July 29.

Edmond is the singular of our Edmonds and, just as Edmonds is on the northern border of Seattle, Edmond is on the northern border of Oklahoma City. The population, before Marc and family arrive, is 68,315. You may all remember that Edmond is world famous as the hometown for the very first post office massacre event when a former postal worker, killed fourteen and wounded six before taking his own life. Edmond is also well known for devastating tornadoes, the latest major storm occurring February 10 of this year. Real estate agents declare emphatically that the local tornado reputation is grossly overstated by arguing that "Of that 29 years (OK, I lied, it's 36 years), I've been in the crouching position during a tornado twice.   One other time, I got in the car and headed South, far from the path of the impending twister." I know that makes me feel better!

To its credit, Edmond is also the site of the very first school house in the entire state of Oklahoma. It still stands proudly today. One must wonder how, despite being in the dead center of the state, they get all those kids to school on time everyday from the tip end of that western panhandle. You'd think they could have built another one by this time. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, we're talking about Oklahoma here.

Despite having only uttered seven complete sentences since joining us in 1992, it turns out that Marc is a magnificent recruiter of incredibly talented Association Members. We all are still in awe of the Fantastic Fifty Marc brought on board this season.

As an Association Board Member Marc has always been (big surprise here) solemn, reflective, honest, honorable and respectful. On the occasions when he actually is moved to speak everybody listens and marks his wisdom and vision. Don't get me wrong, we don't all always agree with him, but we do all always listen. After all, even Marc can be wrong and not see that the only correct opinion must be mine!

It is with a feeling of deep regret that I wish my friend Marc the very best and most wonderful life as he takes this excellent opportunity and moves to a land far away. A land of prairie schooners instead of ale schooners. A land where teeth are considered luxury items. A land where grown men refer to one another as "Shorty" and "Tex" and "Curly"! The land of straw hats, cowboy boots and plug tobacco.

Let's give it to him boys,,,,,,,,,, YEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!